First, thanks to McDeath for helping me find a pdf file of this travesty. And yes, it is a travesty, a tragedy, a horrific mess of utter shit. And those are its
good points!
First, let me post a list of the Levels and the number of pages dedicated to each:
1 = 13
2 = 15
3 = 15
4 = 9
5 = 11
6 = 13
7 = 13
8 = 7
9 = 17
10 = 15 (Muiral's level)
11 = 7
12 = 11
13 = 6
14 = 13
15 = 15
16 = 11
17 = 9
18 = 11
19 = 9 (Slime Level)
20 = 11
21 = 11
22 = 11
23 = 13 (Halaster & Trobriand & Arcturia)
Skullport = 3
Ok, where to start? First,
Skullport. It's one of the major sites of Undermountain and a hotbed of activity of all kinds. Note to WOTC...Skullport was better detailed in a fucking Dragon Magazine
article than it is in your stupid release! In fact, the magazine article was 6 pages long - twice as much info as in the 5E garbage.
And what about room counts? Come on! An average of 11-13 pages to detail a single level? I've written single
room descriptions that long! The Slime Level - so ripe with possibilities - is a mere 9 pages long? In
Ruins of Undermountain III: The Deadly Levels, the Areas of Interest alone took me 11 pages to detail. I've got 12 or 13 core rooms written for it, and already that is taking 27 pages in size 10 font. It'll clock in at (when all 42 rooms are detailed) about 60 pages or more.
Halaster's Lair consists of 13 pages. Oh look! It's got hobgoblins! That'll teach those damned adventurers to face off against one of the most powerful wizards of all time in his deep level that is
supposed to be (according to the original box set)
"one gauntlet of the nastiest traps the DM can devise". Hobgoblins.
And why are Arcturia and Trobriand shacking up with Halaster in his level instead of occupying their own levels? What kind of sick shit is that? Muiral gets a whole whopping 15 pages for his level. Which says a lot about the idiots who wrote this piece of crap, because Halaster's level is only 13 pages long. Can someone explain that insanity to me? Never mind. I don't want to understand the idiots who wrote it.
Why is Arcturia turned into a lich? And why does the hideously talentless art for her look like it was ripped off from an early design I posted at Back In Print years ago? Coincidence? Maybe.
I'm sure some fucktard at WOTC thought it was witty and cool to turn Trobriand into an iron golem. I just yawned at the stupidity and rolled my eyes.
And, as I predicted, the room descriptions were more like footnotes. Here is an actual room description from a room on
HALASTER'S LAIR...the "ultimate gauntlet" level of all of Undermountain"...
Room #16 Broom Room
This room is empty except for a dusty wooden broom that leans against the far wall.
Well knock me the fuck over with excitement! Someone pass the tranquilizers! How exciting to find an empty fucking broom closet on the ultimate level of Undermountain!
I'm not sure my brain or my heart can withstand such exciting, epic level adventuring on the most deadly level of the most deadly dungeon of all time!
Or how about the reversed library in Room #2 (again on Halaster's level)? Just a standard
reverse gravity ensorcelled room. It has some useful books, a bit of treasure. No guardians, no traps, no mysteries to solve, nothing fun or exciting or interesting. Yawn.
Note #2 to WOTC - 21 small rooms a "gauntlet" does not make.
You're gonna love this...going against all the established rules of the game, somehow Trobriand transferred his life force into an iron golem and is also able to cast spells while "living" inside it. What does he have protecting his totally vulnerable body, which is in stasis in Room #11? Sit down folks...
Two whole fucking scaladars! Not one but
TWO of them!
Geez...is anyone else thinking that he's hoping someone just comes along and slays his body? Because 2 scaladar are far less than a mage of his stature would leave on such a deep level to guard his body. But hey, modern WOTC writers never use their brains when writing, do they? This stuff is just mental diarrhea. Seriously.
Then there's a guy walking around with a rabbit head (transformed by Arcturia). His name is Rabbithead. I'm sure some drooling fucktard writer at WOTC though that was just hilarious! Oh I can't stop laughing! Sigh.
They keep talking about Jessirya Kestellharp coming back to Undermountain to take over if Halaster dies. Ummm...WOTC? Come close here, let me whisper something in your ears. Kestellharp left Undermountain, became the Magister, and then died. She ain't coming back to Undermountain. Thought you might like to know that.
So pathetic. Such utter crap. What sort of loser would sign his name to this work of garbage and not thereafter hang himself in the basement out of sheer embarrassment? What sort of fool buys this tome of trash and doesn't demand a refund? I mean, please! I'm not even going to comment on the statue of Halaster riding a donkey. I'm not making that up.
This is why I say I'd prefer to see D&D die. At this point, WOTC is desecrating its corpse.
If I get time, I'll go over the details of just Halaster's pathetic level and show everyone just how lame this product is.